Stretching Out to you Lord

It’s been ages I did this, almost 40 days that I last blogged. I want to report myself to myself and to anyone who cares to listen but most importantly report myself to my Maker.

I feel guilt daily Lord. I am a sinful woman, my thoughts are not pure. If I have to place myself on a scale of loyalty and faithfulness, I think I have missed it somewhere. I have torn the garment of purity and shredded innocence in pieces. I am like a new bride who left her love in the cabin in search of a foul love. Who would save me from this body of shame, if not you Lord, My soul cries out to you lord. I wonder why I plunge in the river of sin and I remember guilt only when my flesh is satisfied. I am a sinful woman, walking the path of death.

I keep running but how can I hide before my maker. His eyes are all over the earth. He watches me in the secret even though He cannot behold sin. I can pull strings with men, and hide under chastity but my thoughts are like crystals before God- He sees them all. Even if I hide in the depth of hell, I can see his eyes following me about. How could I have forgotten my vow? How can I have forgotten the daughter of whom I am? Why do I spend years rubbing shoulders with the daughter of Babylon?

I heard upon mount Zion, there is deliverance. I am of the root of Zion but every day I wallow more in sin. I have let the world steal my pie, my innocence, my purity, my first love. I have stepped into the shoes of shame, fame and hypocrisy. Lord I want to be everything you want me to be, I don’t want to lie in diplomacy. I don’t want to call a spade a shade. I want to live my life in totality and in truth. I want to behold my life in your mirror and not in the shadow of circumstances.

Lust has taken hold of me, what sons and daughters of men have failed you with, I have chosen as my beloved friend. What grieves your heart is what I measure up to now. I feel missing, please lord bring me out, I want please you. Years are rolling and I feel left out somewhere. Please save me, save me before my ship sink. I know I grieve you and I don’t deserve your love but your love is unconditional and steadfast. There is no measure of sin you cannot forgive and no depth, you cannot reach your hands to, even in the midst of my sin, I find your eyes following me everywhere. I see your hand pulling me here and there. Don’t let the heaven become brass, and the earth become iron. Let my head be lifted above sin even if the whole world chooses not to serve you. I love you Lord because you first loved me. You have paid the price of sin for my sake and I will not repay it with my blood. Separate me from the spirit of error, and from the daughters of men that dwell in lust, fame and let me leave up to your standard.

I am eating the dust and staining my garment, please catch me before I fall. I choose to serve you all the days of my life and to work in your vineyard and to use all I have to worship you but I am getting soiled every day. I promised never to uncover my skirt to any man and never to eat the forbidden fruit before I wed but slowly & slowly, I am turning back. I am fighting not to turn back, Lord. Please help me lord, before I lose it. Never let me go, lord. If I will lose it, please take me from this world. After all, I am coming home to leave in your presence forever more.

Read also: Take the Lead, I ll follow