I am blogging a lot these days. I have tried to reason it but my mind can’t comprehend it. My hours seem shorter than ever these days. It seems like life is running the end of its errand.
My moments are similar to a fellow retiring from a loved job, or a woman dying but scribbling her last thoughts in words before crossing the verge, a girl about to lose her most loved dream. It seems I am leaving my priceless.
For me; it’s nearing the end of my singleness, the days when I do things my way, see things within my walls, and decide the next phase. I am leaving behind the world I have ever being used to. I am about stepping on new grounds and I am thinking, what if there is no way? And the road and happiness all ends here.
I am lucky to have grown in someone’s arms where decision was made for me, I was advised like a queen-“don’t go there; step out of that”. I am moving to a zone where I decide for others. My children will look up to me. Duties would beckon on me, life will name themselves after me and responsibilities would be hanging on every side. It is a whole new world.
I wish I don’t go on this journey, but I hear it’s also joyful there. I wish you could call me home faster; I am too afraid to step in there. If you could come quickly, I will be glad, Lord. I have seen lovers look at themselves and I am afraid would this be real for me someday. Can I truly love someone for the rest of my life? I am like every woman; always thinking my decision isn't good enough. I have seen people say vows but how long will I keep mine. The world is tougher, lord. It’s no more pleasant like the fairy tales.
Heavenly father, watch me. I am preparing to leave. It’s scary and scary. I have not started but I am already getting tired. Lord, if you would not go with me, I rather stay here as a maiden forever.
I ask myself everyday if you have called me to be a help mate because I don’t want to have a love greater than you. I want to be where you are. I want to spend my life with you. Remember when I told you to take me just before I step out of your grace. I still ask the same, lord. If you are not going to go with me, let me come to you. I am afraid, oh Lord.
I ask myself everyday if you have called me to be a help mate because I don’t want to have a love greater than you. I want to be where you are. I want to spend my life with you. Remember when I told you to take me just before I step out of your grace. I still ask the same, lord. If you are not going to go with me, let me come to you. I am afraid, oh Lord.
I have seen two loved birds sing the world most loveable song and see them tear themselves apart with the same words. How can I be the first and not experience the last. I memorize all the words my mama thought me, and read in books, “love conquer all” but that’s if I love in the first place. Please, who knows what love is because I am uncertain of this large word coded in four letters.
May I love forever but I don’t know how to give my heart away. This love has always brought me pain and hurt. People say it’s meant to last for a lifetime but what if along the line I lose it. If I manage to hold this love, how can I never lose sight of it? Father, please help me because words cannot describe these times. I am at the verge of leaving my whole meaning, comfort, chastity, purity; that which I have pride myself all my life, to hold and to behold, in sickness, in health. I am leaving a time when men fight for my attention and days when I request and a dozen answer to my quest. I am coming to complete dependence.
Lord, I don’t want to go if you are not there with me.
Also read: Oliver Twist: I ask for one more thing
Also read: Oliver Twist: I ask for one more thing
